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    Church bulletins

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    Church bulletins

    Post by Guest on Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:20 pm

    These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

    --The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    --The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
    --Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    --Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
    --Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
    --Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    --For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    --Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
    --Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
    --A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
    --At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    --Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    --Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    --Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
    --The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
    --Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
    --The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
    --The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
    --Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
    --The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
    --Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.


      Current date/time is Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:13 am