Location Map

June 2017

MonTueWedThuFriSatSun
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Calendar Calendar

Latest topics

» Poet's Corner
Sat Jun 24, 2017 6:04 pm by daffyd

» Wuzfuz and his music
Thu May 11, 2017 3:02 pm by Willows

» The world's Most Beautiful Horse
Sat Mar 18, 2017 1:49 pm by Glad E Olah

» Loads of Laughs
Tue Oct 18, 2016 6:32 pm by daffyd

» Gerraway!
Tue Oct 18, 2016 6:05 pm by daffyd

» Daffyd's Video Shack
Mon Aug 01, 2016 6:18 pm by daffyd

» Pompeii - Eruption of Mt Vesuvius
Fri Mar 25, 2016 7:35 pm by daffyd

» About Religion.
Thu Mar 24, 2016 8:19 pm by daffyd

» A Farmer of our time
Wed Mar 23, 2016 6:53 pm by daffyd

» Our Sun is Beautiful
Tue Feb 23, 2016 10:24 pm by islandgrl

» Spiced Beverage
Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:00 am by islandgrl

» TEA BAGS
Mon Feb 22, 2016 11:53 pm by islandgrl

» It's That Time Again
Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:02 pm by islandgrl

» Thanksgiving Poem
Thu Nov 26, 2015 11:15 am by Glad E Olah

» Guevedoces
Tue Oct 27, 2015 1:27 pm by Glad E Olah

» DESIDERATA
Tue Jul 14, 2015 5:57 pm by daffyd

» Ruby Shoes
Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:41 am by islandgrl

» Insane
Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:25 am by islandgrl

» Glad's 2015 Garden
Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:28 pm by Glad E Olah

» Facts of which you are unaware!
Sat Apr 25, 2015 7:17 pm by daffyd

» THE BACK NINE!
Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:33 pm by daffyd

» Daffyd's Disco
Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:05 pm by Windwalker

» Where Are They Now?
Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:38 pm by Windwalker

» Ye Olde Photo Shoppe
Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:36 pm by Windwalker

» Glass Totems
Fri Feb 06, 2015 12:08 am by islandgrl


    Humour

    Share
    avatar
    wuzfuz

    Posts : 3682

    Humour

    Post by wuzfuz on Mon Aug 15, 2011 1:28 am

    Took a lot of work to put this together!!! You think English is easy??? Read to the end ... a new twist.


    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce.

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to presentthe present

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on..

    English was invented by people not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'

    It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officersUP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

    We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stirUP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UPexcuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stoppedUP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't giveUP ,you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP < /SPAN> ...

    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........it is time to shut UP !

    Oh . . . one more thing:


    What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?

    U-P



















    avatar
    oceanna

    Posts : 4025

    Re: Humour

    Post by oceanna on Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:51 am

    Laughing That's interestong and really makes one think.
    We have to be pretty smart to understand English.
    avatar
    islandgrl
    Admin

    Posts : 2477

    Re: Humour

    Post by islandgrl on Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:35 pm

    Very Happy

    I have heard it said that English is the hardest language to learn. Do you think it is true? If there is a harder language, which one is it?
    avatar
    wuzfuz

    Posts : 3682

    Re: Humour

    Post by wuzfuz on Tue Aug 16, 2011 12:11 am

    Baby Babble Laughing

    Sponsored content

    Re: Humour

    Post by Sponsored content

      Similar topics

      -

      Current date/time is Tue Jun 27, 2017 7:01 pm